Too Many People Spoil The Broth.

On wednesday night, I watched a programme presented by Sir David Attenborough(B.B.C.), which focused on the worlds booming poulation, ,and the huge enviromental impact it causes. I have to say that I agree with the premise of the film-there are simply too many people in the world, and there is going to be billions more before any predicted downturn. What to do about it?I do understand it is a sensitive subject, which encompasses emotional, theological and natural desires. However, it seems that a global effort to voluntarily control childbirth needs to happen.
I have been fortunate enough to have travelled the the world looking for unusual creatures and adventure.Some of these animals are very rare, some I have concludedare either extinct, or past the point of any viable sustainability( Mongolian Almas).
Turning to the Orang-Pendek, Debbie Martyr, Jeremey Holden and Sahar on my last expedition in September, have all described the intensity of emotion they felt on seeing it, seeing an ape that walked like a man, which caused such very tough people to burst into tears.
Yet there are serious pressures here.Let me give you an example. A farmer I know has 3 children.Each one will want land.His family and other Sumatrans are living longer than ever before. Where wil they get there land from, and where will their children get there`s from?
Only one place, otherwise they starve-and who is going to let their children starve?All they need to do you see, is cut down just a little bit more jungle, then just a little bit more jungle. Oh ,of course you have to shoot all the birds as well, because they will steal your seeds, and if any larger animals come to forage- well dinner is served..........
This is just an example of what is happening in one tiny corner of our world. It is a real example, I saw this happen just as I described it, over the last 1o years.
Whether you are with me on the existence of Yetis or not, I can gurantee that we will all be weeping for lost species within our lifetimes........

Danger in the Himalayas.

On Friday, I recieved my copy of Monsterquests ` The Abominable Snowman` show, which I featured in. I really enjoyed it, it was tightly paced and well edited. Looking at myself being interviewed on the mountain, it reminded me of how dangerous it really was . On one particularly perilous traverse, the old adage `one slip and you are dead`, really did hold true- there was nothing but ice ,between you and certain death, thousands of feet below.
During the film ,the guides and I investigate some trails to discover whether they are Yeti prints or not.Whilst we made our roped ascent,I learnt that 3 people had died on the mountain relativley recently, near to the spot where we stood.Two from altitude sickness, and one from an avalanche. Indeed , at the spot where we were filming, there was an avalanche the very next day!!
Luckily, on our exhausted return to base camp, Mr.Yagihara, the lead mountaineering expert, passed round a fish sauasage, (fresh) from Japan, for us all to tuck into..................

King of the Kubu.

The Kubu, or to use their correct name, the Suku Anak Dalam, are tribal hunter gatherers who live in Northeren Sumatra.
Before I left for the island, I had worked with my friends and contacts to arrange a meeting with the King of their Tribes.I was eager to learn more about their traditions and customs,especially in relation to the Orang-Pendek. Dally and Sahar had spent a lot of time negotiating a meeting, and as a result, we were lucky enough to be granted an audience with the King, during our stay in the town of Bangko.
Many of the tribe still wear traditional loincloths whilst in the jungle, but for this meeting the King strode confidently towards me in Western Dress- a casual shirt ,trousers and pink flip flops......
On greeting me , he gave me a kiss, and not sure of the protocol, I kissed him back. It didn`t seem to cause any offence , because he smiled back at me!
The King was a remarkable man, and I found the stories he recounted of his customs and traditions ,fascinating.
Turning to the Orang-Pendek, he described how he and his son-in law had disturbed one while they were out hunting in the jungle. It had chased them and in their terror, the two of them had hidden from it under some rattan.The creature had scoured the area for a while, before reluctantly giving up its quarry.
At the end of the imterview,I asked the King to wish me luck on the quest ."No, I will not do that" He said, looking worried ,"I really don`t want you to find it, look what happened to me!"
I really enjoyed my conversation with the King. His stories about his culture and about the Orang -pendek, were hugely engaging.
On the way to Volcano bound Kerinci, I reflected on our meeting.Whatever the outcome of the next few weeks I thought, how many people can say they have been kissed by a King?

Nasty Things To Eat.

Whilst watching "I`m a Celebrity get me out of here!" last night,( great show), I thought of a few of the more unpleasant things I have had to eat. In Mongolia ,for example, I was treated to what Andy termed `lucky dip soup`. Basically, this was an offal stew and you never knew what you were going to get, eyeballs bollocks, the lot.
In Sumatra, Sahar(my chief guide), once treated me to a bowl of spicy chicken heads.
Whilst over in the Congo, I have eaten all manner of strange things, caterpillars ,bat wing etc.
Perhaps the worst was the monkey. One particular monkey.
My team were in the middle of the Likoula swamps and we were starving.Whilst I would not let the Bantu tribesman on my team hunt any rare species , I understood that I had to allow them to hunt common species for survival, as they had always done.
Roland, my best hunter and I, were inching forward,when he suddenly spotted a black and white Colobus monkey in the tree above us. It had seen us too, but regrettably for both me and it, was busily masturbating!
I gave the order to shoot it. However, the unfortunate beast had clearly past the point of no return ,for its imminent death merely prompted it to go faster, in a dogged attempt to `finish`!
It died with a smile on its face. I did without the garnish.I don`t care what these celebrity chefs say, sometimes seasoning can be unneccessary....

DNA update.

As I have been asked , I thought I would post a quick update on how the scientific analysis of the specimens collected in Sumatra is going. The bad news is that Todd has now made three attempts at trying to extract DNA from the Rattan that we found at the location where the Orang-Pendek was sighted, which he seemed to be eating when we disturbed him. So far he has had no luck. However ,we still have the hairs to test. These were found at a different location to the sighting, but were close by one of the creatures tracks that I found. While I can`t say for definate they are Orang-Pendek hairs, I do think they are worth serious analysis. The hairs won`t be tested thoroughly for a few weeks yet, as Todd is waiting for a new reagent from a supplier.
Last night, I was reminded that not all of life`s dramas happen in the jungle. I went to look after my daughter Ella, who is five. I was just finishing making myself a curry when she began screaming .I rushed into the room where she had been sat whatching the T.V. "What`s the matter?` I said " My tummy ,my tummy I can`t bend " She cried-tears streaming down her face. "Where does it hurt?` I said , increasingly alarmed by now `All , all, over ,she sobbed`.
By now I was really worried and started putting on her shoes. The screaming went on for a further ten minutes, and nothing I could do would placate her.`We are going to have to go to hopital,sweetie ,` I said. `We need a Doctor to check you out`
At that point, she let out the most thunderous ,ear tearing,wind rushing, FART you have ever heard...........!!
`I feel better now ,Daddy ` said Ella and smiled. Turns out she had had too much ice cream at her Granny`s house and got colic.(wind!).
Exhausted from the drama, I put her to bed and went back to my Curry. The burmese cat , Kwai, had decided that he preffered my curry to his catmeat, and finished the lot off.
I think I am due some good news...........
I could do with some good news...................

Down South.

The weekend certainly lived up to expectations!
It was a beautiful day on Saturday, and Dave and I took the opportunity to walk across some of the most beautiful parts of the Chilterns. As well as the lovely little villages and rambling countryside , there is also some amazing wildlife.Most striking to me, are the abundance of Red Kites. A bird of Prey,Kites are predominantley chestnut brown , with white patches under their wings. They became very rare in the U.K. ,indeed you were lucky if you got a sighting of them unless you were in mid -Wales. However, a reintroduction programme has been very successful in the Chilterns, and a regular feature of the sky above Lane End, where Dave lives, is the sight of these majestic birds swirling and hovering, before swooping down effortlessley to catch their unlucky next meal.
In the evening, we went out in Marlow ,as promised. We were joined by Dave`s girlfriend Tasha and her friends Lousie and Michelle, as well of course, as Keith. After the pub ,we went back to Dave`s, put some music on ,and continued the party. Dave brought out a wierd concoction of drinks, including some Brandy from the Balkans named `Dick`. It was a heavy night.
The next morning I came down to see Michelle leaving the Toilet. She looked green.

`Are you alright ,Michelle ,`I asked. `No` said Michelle.`I have just been sick`. I must have had too much Dick..........

Fireworks Night.

For those of you that don`t know, its a tradition in the U.K. that on November 5th we set off fireworks .It all goes back to when Guy Fawkes attempted to blow up Parliament , during the reign of James the first.
Anyway, November is not normally the best of months weatherwise.Last night however ,the sky was lit up and rockets exploded merrily above my house. One bizarre thing though- a few streets down this guy was using a chainsaw.He had some sort of firework party going on ,and as he and his buddies set off the fireworks, he timed the whirring of the chainsaw to coincide with the bangs! What was that all about ? Were Leatherface and his cronies having some sort of reunion?..............
This weekend I am off to see Dave Archer and his girlfriend down in Marlow .Marlow is a lovely little town ,perched on the edge of the Costwalds. Keiith Townley is also coming with me. As we are all veterans of Sumatra , we will no doubt be talking about recent events. Plus, last time we were there we had a really wild time, so bring on Saturday night!